Time to clean up around here, blow off the dust and  fumigate the brain

*whips out feather boa*

Wait, THAT’s for dusting off other things....

*Lays down plastic, covers walls, prepares for mental fumigation*

*big cloud of smoke*

I am suffering from self censorship on my own blog these days.  I have ruminated over some things to post, but out of fear of discovery, or having already been discovered, I have not.  I come over here with the best of intentions, or the best of bad, foul mouthed venting intentions , I log in, open up a new post and then that little fucktard of a voice comes out..

“Well you better not write about that! Or that! Or what the hell are you writing, that blows chunks. That is too bitchy, that is not funny, that is, well, is! Why are you blogging anyway?”

Which is the question of the day? Why am I blogging? Why am I not blogging?

The good/bad news about this is that I am experiencing the same sort of lack luster, hiding, mental laziness in my life outside of bloggy land. I have been trying to implement a few much needed changes in my life and suffice it to say that isn’t going all that well. Perhaps it is the laziness that is summer, perhaps I would much rather plunk my ass ( that isn’t getting any smaller- see much needed changes above) in a lawn chair and consume far too many beverages of the alcoholic variety. That sounds like much more fun on a summer evening than trying to actually implement any of said changes. And so here we sit, going round and round and NOT burning off any of those calories consumed!

I feel like I am stuck in the airplane on the tarmack just waiting for the go ahead to take off, but something keeps delaying the flight!

*lays down more plastic*

*sits down, grabs a drink*

So, my bloggy friends. Have you been in a holding pattern too? And what exactly are we going to do to get the hell out of it?

AA

First I must add this disclaimer because the man I am married to reads my blog. Uhem.. I love my husband and this post is by far no reflection on his overall character other than he being of the male persuastion.
Now, husband look over here... you are getting sleepy, vvvveeerrrrry sleeepy, you will not remember this post, you will not think your wife is insane, these are not the droids you are looking for...


*pokes husband*


Ok, so we're good.
The man I married can be daft I tell ya.
 Ok I am getting ahead of myself, I have to back up a bit, but I have to do  it quick in case he comes too..
We have ceased to have what would be construed as an official date night in our house for a loooonnng time and I've been feeling like I need a little romancing. By romancing I mean having him plan out the night, something sultry, sexy and just for the two of us. I don't expect him to cook, but I would probably orgasm right there if he actually cooked something that wasn't KD or take out! 
 After many years together I have learned that in order to get the man I sleep with to actually do something I would like him too, I have to come right out and ask. Do not hint, do not beat around the bush, grab the bat and hit him right on the noodle. 
So I let him know, that I think it's time we had a date night.
Great idea he says. 
Perfect, your job is to plan one, all you deal?
Deal he says.
So uhm, yeah that was several months ago.
So last month, I cooked a rocking dinner of Steak, BB'd fancy potatoes, scallops, home made crab cakes, lit some candles and we had a little picnic in the living room.
Just so you know, no little Cub's were present or accounted for during this date night.
At the end of the night I say to Mr. was supposed to plan a date night.
Now that's how you plan a date night.(HINT HINT) of which I know better, but a girl can tire easily if she has to swing the bat around too many times.
So that was over a month ago...
I finally broke down and asked him if I was ever going to get a date night.
One of these days, yup..
*sigh, picks up bat*
 I  let him know all of the things I would like to do on this one day date and that I would rather like this date to happen before the Cub comes home from holidays. ( which is this weekend by the way, this makes me happy because I've missed him more this go around, also this gives you an idea of the time frame we are talking about here.)
Ok I've laid it out as best I can, he's got to get it.
Later in the day, I email him,
Whatcha wanna do tonight?
I don't know, you want to maybe go play some Tennis and BBQ?
*Crickets chirping*
/facepalm
In his defense he was working, so I let it slide and called him on my way home; and YES I use a bluetooth.
So what do you want to do?
What about some Tennis?
Let me rephrase. Who would you like to do tonight?
*Lightbulb goes on*...
Race you home?
I hope all of you get your date nights and get done this weekend!!


*Kisses*
AA

 I am back from my holidays even though my head, body and soul are still sitting firmly planted in some lawn chair by a lake somewhere.*sigh*

 I so want to blog about my little 'holiday'.  I really want to tell you guys about the great times with Cub and the no alone time with the man I sleep with until the drive home. I know you guys will laugh your collective asses off when I tell you about the water fight, drinking in the middle of the afternoon and getting torn into by my sister in law for something I didn't do. Good times with the famdamily people, Good times! But this post isn't about that. 

This post is about what happened after holidays!

So remember back when we moved offices and we left people behind? Well one of those persons was the bitch who used to cover off for me and vice versa. Well when we left, bitchy woman and I realized that there would be no coverage for either of us and this greatly affected our chances of taking holidays. So we sat our respective bosses down ,declared that we would continue to cover for each other and that they would be good with this because it would mean they wouldn't have to do/learn anything beyond the scope of what they do right now.They eagerly agreed. ( you know because heaven forbid they have to actually DO something)  I was the first one to take a holiday, and I talked with bitchy woman and we were still good to go. Yeah!!  Let the holiday begin!

Apparently my cheque signer didn't get the memo. Yes I KNOW all of us discussed it, and I left implicit instructions for him to call her if he needed anything done ( Their number is on Speed dial!!!) . I left him cheat sheets on how to do stuff, envelopes with addresses and I spent a whole day writing down stupid office stuff so that he would know how to run the goddamn motherfucking photocopier and fax machine before I left!!!!

So yeah...

He never called her.

She never heard from him for a whole week. 

I apparently live in some fucking la la land where when you have someone who will do your work for you while you are on vacation you assume your cheque signer will call them and not let it all stockpile until you get back.

So yeah, this is where I've been: 

I'll be back.

In the meantime let's just suffice it to say; I am a little pissed, a little tired, sun burnt and probably still hungover.

*kisses*

AA