Warning- not safe for work or small ears.

This week has been a bit of a pisser only because on top of falling off the not smoking wagon and getting back on and falling off and getting back on ( I sense a pattern do you??) my body has decided that I need a break from work and has kept me at home under the blankets. I'm hoping that next week will be better!! This did make me smile though, so that's good.

I'm thinking about making this my ringtone on my cell. Wonder how that would go over at the Teacher/Parent conference next week.

Happy weekend all!!

Smooches

AA

So today is not a bummer of a day. Today we are on the up part of the roller coaster, not that I would actually ride a roller coaster, let alone THAT roller coaster. Hell my hands are sweaty and my feet are tingling just looking at the picture!! GAK.. Now the husband would be totally all over that roller coaster (and would willingly give up his seat on this one I am sure) and would leave me standing there watching him and trying not to pass out. Of course we would have already had that conversation of "WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO GO ON THAT THING ?" and" Is your life insurance up to date ?"before he set his butt in one of those seats.
Of course my personal roller coaster is much more dangerous- we don't have special belts to strap you down and hell no will I be offering up any puke bags! Although the husband and I did have the "Is the life insurance up to date?" and " Where did we put that manual on body disposal?" conversations before we decided to get on this particular ride.
Thanks for all the support and bearing with me my unsuspecting roller coaster riders!
I hope all of you have many laughs this weekend!
Smooches!!!

I have tried to make this blog post for over two hours, but I can’t stay focused long enough to get it pulled together. I can’t  even stay focused enough to get my work done.

My boss is entertaining ‘outsourcing’ me to a possible tenant- not like I don’t already do my job and his and I’ll be damned if I am going to be some else’s bitch to boot!

I’m bitchy, foul, tense, emotional and any little thing can set me off- this makes for a fucking roller coaster ride around my house.

I’m crying typing this up.

The in-law Mother and Sister arrive tomorrow. I’m not ready or fit for company. Especially the sister in law.

I’m feeling alone.

Detox sucks.

I have a lot of things I want to write today, but I won’t, it’s just safer.

So yeah, I’m just peachy today

Been meaning to make some changes in my life and really there never seems to be "the right" time. Or there is always some reason "to not too", or general apathy sets in and things go on as always.

Well in some moment of (in) sanity I decided that I would do it. Today in fact.

So today is the first day of not smoking. I have tried many many times to quit over the years, a couple stuck, but I kept going back to my old friend Mr. Butt. He's that stead fast, go to, self imposed time out that has helped me stay somewhat functional and most likely out of jail. 

Problem is, I have always known he's got to go ; but I have been with him for such a long time that parting from him is not going to be easy. I know this - I've seen me quit before. Others have lived to tell long tales about the fucking insane devil bitch that emerges from the recesses of my soul and inhabits my brain during nicotine withdrawal. She's not pretty!

Now I know what all of you are thinking- There are products that replace the nicotine, gum, patches, lozenges, inhalers and and and...Yup, but none of them are Mr. Butt. And Mr. Butt keeps the Devil Bitch at bay. The gum helps and that is what I will be using, probably along with some sort of over the counter muscle relaxer to keep me somewhat comatose but still functional.

In an effort to help save those around me from the onslaught of the Devil Bitch, I strategically  selected a day/week that I would not have much opportunity to interact with the general populous. My boss would be away on holidays for a week ( hence increasing the odds that I may stay employed). We wouldn't be having any company or going away for several weeks, so my familial relationships would remain slightly dysfunctional and that would just leave Cub and The man who has already quit for a week  and makes it look like a fucking walk in the park, to deal with.

Yeah... So this morning, Cub is pukey and home from school. Having no alternative, I am home ALL day with him- alone. My boss cancelled his vacation and will be around all week and my  Mother and Sister in law will be arriving on Friday.

Fuck me.

I know the easy out would be to put it off for another week- but I know there will always be some reason (read excuse) to put it off just another week. So here we are.

Day one.

Wish me luck, and consider yourselves for warned about the Devil Bitch. If you see her lurking around, please don't take it personally, she shouldn't linger too long.

Day One Update:

Hey!! Thanks for the words of encouragement although I did notice no one offered to help me hide any bodies...sheesh!!
Well Day one came and went and no one died- so really I wrap that up to a success. In fact I had the best encouragement ever. Cub turned to me near the end of the day and said 
" Mom! You haven't been outside to Smoke all day! Awe Mom, I am sooo proud of you!" Followed up by the biggest hug and kiss.  
Then, when the husband came home- he asked Cub how his day was.
"Oh Dad it was great! Mom didn't smoke and know what?"
"What"
" She wasn't even GROUCHY!"




AA

So a while back, Shoes gave me an award, and a to do that I never did. Well all of you know just how good I’ve been at keeping this place neat and tidy with shit in its place..so..yeah.. I lost it. But in my defence I kinda sort of remembered what it was about and roughly what I was supposed to do.

Ok!  I was supposed to write 7 things that you don’t already know about me. Well most of you know by now that I have this thing for rules, so I have decided to shake it up a bit.

So here we go, without further adieu;

So there you go, I have given you 10 things about me.  I even went above and beyond! Gold star- Yeah!!.. Oh did I mention that whole rules issue..

*Scrolls up...*

Oh yes I did, so yeah, some of these babies may be lies, or the truth. Can you guess which is which?

Alright! Stop it with the eye roll ! There is no test! And  I even gave you one as a starting place for fuck sakes!

So if you read this and want to play along- Please do. I’m not going to tag anyone or pass it along, cause well then I’d have to run and I’m not really up for that right now. 

Hell I modified and warped an award just to get a blog post. I don’t judge around here.

But I thought it might be good for some  bloggy  fun.

This is what happens when I am left alone with a shoddy internet connection. I spend the better part of a husbandless evening playing around on the computer doing computer type thingys and blogging something BRILLIANT, brilliant I say..and I finally complete the master piece and go to post it and
WHAM..

The alarm goes off and I have to get my ass off to work.

Apparently the fact that I have not been blogging on a regular basis has infiltrated my dream space. The worst of it, do you think I can remember what the hell I was so fucking happy to have blogged about in my dream?? NO! Because then I would have had something fucking brilliant to post here. Instead you get this rambling piece of half cocked crazyness in an attempt to fend off the Blog zombies that are threatening to appear in tonight’s dream adventures.

What exactly would a Blog Zombie look like you think?

What would possess me to think that the Zombie actually ate my post? Well really I am looking for anything to blame it on. I am quite content to blame my lack of posting abilities on my faulty internet connection - so really a leap to  Zombies eating my posts isn't that far off, or would that be far gone? 
Think of it as an alteration to the dog ate my homework excuse. Seriously has anyone actually used that excuse? Ran out of toner, computer virus, corrupt disk? Sure I have not only used all of those (except the dog one) and I have successfully dated myself in the process. Disk? BAH! More like Jump drive..
Ok, where the hell am I and what was I writing about again? Riiighhtt .....Zombies- maybe I got bit last night and that is the real reason I am on the verge of sanity today. Either that or someone  spiked my coffee with LSD. Or I had little to no sleep last night and waaaaaayyyy too much coffee for one day.
Either way, Please send help or send Vodka or bring Vodka when you come .
Safety in numbers or Party, either one works for me!

So I've been MIA, missing in adulthood. This has not been a self imposed absence, this fiasco has been imposed by my internet provider. Riiight like those assholes 'provide' you with anything but a splitting headache and the urge to go forth and slice someone open. Suffice it to say that after having to speak to several call centres around the world, I do indeed have internet back up and running at home.
Normally not having internet at home wouldn't bother me as much because I have this wonderful high speed connection at work that allows me free access to surf blogs, be on facebook, google items I covet, or work..oh shit, right..work. However I took a few extra days off this week to extend my normal  two days are too short to get any shit done weekend into a full fledged five days allows for at least one day of doing fuck all weekend. So yup internet connection went to shit over the two day weekend, which left me almost NO INTERNET while I was home for three days. THREE DAYS.. *sigh* So that is why I haven't commented until today, and again I feel like that party guest who arrives really late and leaves early.
What was that?
What did I do for three days with no internet?
Well I conquored the first withdrawal symptoms with too much caffine and cigarettes. Unfortunatly this left me jittery and rather wound up, so I decided that cleaning my house, picking apples, doing all the laundry in the house,calling the internet asshats, loading new computer programs, organizing storage rooms, dishes, played games with the Cub, hosting a playdate, would take care of the rest.
I was right.
Not only was I getting quality time with my Cub, but I managed to get a shit tonne of stuff done off my to do list. I have decided that I need a full time ME to stay at home while this other ME goes to work.
I even baked for shit sakes. I never bake, and I mean that. Something has to be dreadfully wrong for me to whip out a bowl and try and bake something. Hell even Cub knows I don't bake. When I offer to bake cookies, he looks at me and says, why don't we just go to the store and get some?
So yeah, I baked cookies, and apple turnovers, and an apple pie- FROM SCRATCH!
I think I was running a fever and perhaps a bit delusional.
I'm better today, I'm back at work. But I kinda miss that non stressed out rocking the stay at home mom Me. That bitch better not bake anymore though - she's making me look bad.

AA

P.S.
Anyone want some apples??