Go?
I seem to be severely lacking in the get up and go aspect of my life. I have been floundering around in some sort of post holiday liquor and food induced haze. Add in some general apathy, several snowstorms and I just don't feel like getting up in the morning. Trust me, my bed is warm and comfortable and has lots of pillows so it really hasn't been helping much either.


As a result of this general apathy  I have decided to make some changes in my life.


These changes are not earth shattering or life altering, well maybe a little life altering depending on how things go- we'll see. They are NOT new year resolutions- my god! I would never do that..well out loud anyway! Those nasty little bastards stay right inside the brain where only I can pass judgement.


No these life altering changes are much more mundane and personal. For example, on the off case there is anyone who still reads this little mind dump area and are now letting their imaginations run away with themselves, there are very certain aspects of my life that I couldn't be happier with: 
Disclaimer:  These include but are not limited to, The man I live with, Cub, fur kids (although we could have a special life lesson session for the cats on how to behave when you have company, and thou shalt not howl and scratch my nose at 4am, or while I appreciate the love, biting my ass in the middle of the night is not a cat given right.) and a few friends.


Nope these changes have to do with me. So far all I have done is thought about them , which I really think is a good first step. At least I am thinking about them and not hiding them somewhere in the recesses of my brain to collect dust. The verdict is still out if I will actually get off my ass and implement some of the changes that I want. 


That shit takes EFFORT yo!


So instead,  I lay in bed and beat myself up for only 'thinking' about thinking about making some changes to me/my life. How's that for fucktarded!! Gotta love the dysfunctional brain when it is functioning at its best.
In short, I'm still around, even though I may have spent more time this past week thinking about blogging than actually blogging, I was THINKING about it and by my current rationale, I was thinking about blogging which means I was thinking about you!
*head starts pounding*
I have now thought too much and said very little. 
Really this was a long drawn out, mind dump to say;
Happy new year!!!!
*crawls back into bed*


So, anyone else thought about thinking about making any not new years resolutions?


Smooches!

Been meaning to make some changes in my life and really there never seems to be "the right" time. Or there is always some reason "to not too", or general apathy sets in and things go on as always.

Well in some moment of (in) sanity I decided that I would do it. Today in fact.

So today is the first day of not smoking. I have tried many many times to quit over the years, a couple stuck, but I kept going back to my old friend Mr. Butt. He's that stead fast, go to, self imposed time out that has helped me stay somewhat functional and most likely out of jail. 

Problem is, I have always known he's got to go ; but I have been with him for such a long time that parting from him is not going to be easy. I know this - I've seen me quit before. Others have lived to tell long tales about the fucking insane devil bitch that emerges from the recesses of my soul and inhabits my brain during nicotine withdrawal. She's not pretty!

Now I know what all of you are thinking- There are products that replace the nicotine, gum, patches, lozenges, inhalers and and and...Yup, but none of them are Mr. Butt. And Mr. Butt keeps the Devil Bitch at bay. The gum helps and that is what I will be using, probably along with some sort of over the counter muscle relaxer to keep me somewhat comatose but still functional.

In an effort to help save those around me from the onslaught of the Devil Bitch, I strategically  selected a day/week that I would not have much opportunity to interact with the general populous. My boss would be away on holidays for a week ( hence increasing the odds that I may stay employed). We wouldn't be having any company or going away for several weeks, so my familial relationships would remain slightly dysfunctional and that would just leave Cub and The man who has already quit for a week  and makes it look like a fucking walk in the park, to deal with.

Yeah... So this morning, Cub is pukey and home from school. Having no alternative, I am home ALL day with him- alone. My boss cancelled his vacation and will be around all week and my  Mother and Sister in law will be arriving on Friday.

Fuck me.

I know the easy out would be to put it off for another week- but I know there will always be some reason (read excuse) to put it off just another week. So here we are.

Day one.

Wish me luck, and consider yourselves for warned about the Devil Bitch. If you see her lurking around, please don't take it personally, she shouldn't linger too long.

Day One Update:

Hey!! Thanks for the words of encouragement although I did notice no one offered to help me hide any bodies...sheesh!!
Well Day one came and went and no one died- so really I wrap that up to a success. In fact I had the best encouragement ever. Cub turned to me near the end of the day and said 
" Mom! You haven't been outside to Smoke all day! Awe Mom, I am sooo proud of you!" Followed up by the biggest hug and kiss.  
Then, when the husband came home- he asked Cub how his day was.
"Oh Dad it was great! Mom didn't smoke and know what?"
"What"
" She wasn't even GROUCHY!"




AA