I have the best of intentions sometimes, like the intention to write and post this on Monday, the actual day after the weekend, but like the best of intentions it went out the window with the blog post.

I was going to be clever and witty and charming and sexy and droll, but that too got lost somewhere. OK I didn’t lose it, I was having some difficulty.

You see it all started on Sunday, well it kinda started on Saturday when the weather finally decided to be nice. I got up early and cleaned my house (really I need to learn to knock that shit off because I believe I am beginning to sound much more OCD than I really am) so I had an early jump on the sunshine. I went outside to have a cup of coffee and a smoke – yes, yes, I know, keep reading.. when I looked and finally SAW the state of our deck.

Who knew that two relatively neat and smart people could turn their deck into a storage yard of scrap lumber, tires, garbage, kid toys and lawn furniture over the course of a couple of snowy months!  OK it wasn’t banjo playing bad, but it was bad. So the man who loves to leave garbage cans out in the rain to collect water and breed mosquito's and I cleaned off the deck and proceeded to have a wonderful playful day with Cub.

Because we had accomplished so much on Saturday, ( we actually did do more things on Saturday, like grocery shopping, grass mowing, baseball, BBQ’in, BS’in and  *closes drapes*) we basically had a freebie day on Sunday. Now Freebie day for me, translates into tackle a project day, for the man I sleep with, this could translate into, read a book day, play video games day, go golfing day, but today the planets aligned and we were on the same page. It was tackle the front yard day!

We spent the better part of the morning collecting our requirements, mulch, edging, trellis, plant, yes, only one plant- because I had already spent over budget on the mulch and edging. So we got the flower bed weeded, trellis erected, and we spent the greater part of the remainder of the afternoon cutting sod away from the base of the tree, where we wanted to make a circle of mulch!!  Ooohh aaahhh… but that tree is a real whore to cut around, it’s the kind that nearly tears your face off every time you even look at it the wrong way. We worked our asses off,  hell if it was only that simple! Oh yeah, did I mention it was sunny, and hot for the first time since , like APRIL!!

We were starting to clean up, when I realized just how hot and red I had become. Now I normally run a fair bit warmer than lizard man, but this was woogie kinda warm. The I’ve been out in the sun far too long for my pale freckled skin to handle kind of warm. So I boogied inside, grabbed a cold beer, yum, and slipped into the shower to cool off.

Apparently during this time, the weather god was displeased with my sudden departure from the sunshine and she decided that a little fucking down pour was in order. So Cub and Mr. I’m too fucking tall to fit under the tree and I hate the fucking rain was left outside to gather all that was somewhat important that couldn’t get wet and bring it inside.

By the time I got myself all cute again, which is code for dressed and a second beer, the rain had stopped , so Mr. Now I’m all wet from the rain and I decided to enjoy our bevies and look at the fruits of our labour. 

Our deck has a little step, not a big step, a one little bitty step down from one side to the other, I was on the higher side, and took that little step down.  I must admit at the time, I didn’t think too much about my cute little flip flops that I use for booging around the yard- they matched my outfit, I was happy. Well until I stepped into a little puddle of water that had collected on the deck. Who knew those cute little flip flops didn’t  have suction cups on the bottom? 

It was one of those slow motion moments, my left leg went flying out in front of me, my right leg couldn’t grasp any footing, the right arm went out and down (Why the hell are you doing that you dumb ass put it back!) and down I went in an earth shattering, well made the windows on the house shake Kafuckingboom!  Mr.didn’t even crack a smile even though his wife was laughing with hysterics ever so sweetly helped me to my feet to ensure I was all in one piece and a trip to the hospital was not in order.

Lucky for me, my hand and ass took the brunt of the fall, so much so that my right wrist swole all the way up and has turned a lovely shade of purple. My ass, well, let’s suffice it to say it made it out OK. 

I have managed to twist my knee, and my hand is all wrapped up making typing difficult over the last few days. So you see why I didn’t get this puppy up sooner it was the Flip Flops Fault!

I know that there are a bunch of you out there now going through a bunch of crap, I hope that I at least brought a smile to your face. Please know that I am thinking about you all!

AA out!

I like to consider myself a savy shopper. I love a good bargain and get all squealy when I find something I consider to be a fabulous deal. Some of my greatest finds come when I am grocery shopping because the store I frequent and give too much of my hard earned cash to likes to slash prices on their inventory just to get rid of it. That is how I managed to purchase 6 metal (what used to be called "Lawn furniture" but is now referred to as "Outdoor living" which really is just code for jacking up the price on metal and plastic outside furniture that deteriorates from the earths elements) chairs for my parents at a measly $3.50 a piece. 


 These bad boys were not your stock plastic take one look at them and they fall apart type lawn chairs. These were the good and heavy metal ones with plastic straps that needed those fat ass cushions to go over top and 'retail' on them was 35 bucks a piece.( I did manage to pick up 4 cushions for $5.00 a piece, tricky bastards, they just KNOW you need the cushions...)
 ( more like this only metal)
So I managed to get these chairs and cushions onto a flat, pay for them, get them out into the parking lot, wheeled over to the car, and then and only then did I start to wonder just exactly how I was going to pack these bad boys into my car. You know the 1980 Honda Civic I was driving at the time- you know the one  with the Hatchback. I calmly whipped out the cell phone to see if anyone could come to my rescue- fat freaking ass chance of that happening.  There was no way I was coughing up these chairs, thankfully they stacked and I figured I could fit 3 high with the back seat down, so in I slid the first three.. smooth as silk.
The next three, were, shall we say, bitchy? I was cramming, pushing, swearing, moving seats, ripping carpet praying that I could shut the hatch and not die from the exhaust fumes, trying to get these bastages into the car. Hell labour was easier than that.
 By now I felt as though a small crowd should have formed to watch this stubborn ass woman trying to cram lawn furniture into her small car- but alas, apparently this is a daily occurrence. I was tiring from the exertion and on my final shove , my hands slipped off causing the full force of my push to send my face slamming into the metal bar. Thankfully my nose was there to stop the full face impact and the chairs ended up having a  lovely spattering of red on them. 
Lucky for me, my darling husband never let's me forget this little fiasco, he constantly uses it as a point of reference for my stubborn nature, did I mention that was over 8 years ago ( and yes I did indeed get all the chairs in the car!)... Yeah I know, he can be a fucker sometimes.


So a couple of weeks back, I did my little dance of joy again when I stumbled across a little video camera, and by little I mean those ones that are made for kids but are better video than on your cell phone type jobby. The price tag was $22.00 from $100.00. I called the man who likes to still call me stubborn this time to OK the purchase and we were good to go.
It has taken Cub a while to get the video bug shall we say, until this evening. He had created some Lego masterpiece on the dining room table and had a car racing through it, when he decided that it would be fabulous to video the car crashing into the Lego bridge.
He was working it like a pro. "I need more light", "Mom, hold this, move that, do this". While he was busy creating the next Transformers movie, I slipped off to go and wash my hair.
Now you may remember that the kitten has a thing for water, so when she was sitting on the toilet beside me I took no notice as I was bent over head down ass up over the tub until..



"Awe, tiny girl, look here, look at Mom.. Hey Mom? Know what? Your bum looks really big"
I whipped around to see my giggling son with his video camera.
"Were you video taping me washing my hair?"
"Yeah, but I couldn't see you because your bum was in the way."
"We now have a new rule. No video taping anyone while they are in the bathroom- OK?"
"Ok."
I was tucking him in tonight and he's all cute as pie when he's getting into bed.
"Hey Mom, remember when I video taped your BUTT!! haahahahahaaa"


There is no mistake, he is his father's son.