Sweet bloody hell didn't anybody clean around here while I was away? Seriously, I am going to have to take away your....umm..er...fuck..something... but rest assured once I figure it out it will be good and you will miss it.
Annnnyyyyywaaaayyyy....( I also may have had a bit too much coffee and nicorette gum this afternoon.....consider yourselves forewarned)


 Recap: In case you've been playing along at home.

We had a great trip 'home' and by home, I mean where the parental types live, it's not home for me, but home is more where they are then a physical space.  I still have a mound of laundry to do and too much shit to find places for...what possesses the grandparents to fill my van to the roof with MORE toys than most daycares for one 6 year old Cub?
The 'rents are good; however, they have apparently decided that they are getting older and they cannot stay up late and drink..er...visit like they used too. This is OK only for the fact that they have yet to adopt that early morning fucking cheerful old person routine- they still love to sleep in. This reason alone has saved their lives and I have no immediate plans to place them in an old folks home. 


Graduation, growed up and I'm still cool:
The kids graduated and looked gorgeous and handsome. Yes I still call them kids, they will forever be "the kids" I am calling it my Auntie right!  It seems to be the one and only power I have over them..bwahahaa.. ( and well it keeps them little for me and not the gorgeous bunch they have become..uhum..and yes they still call me Auntie- heart melt!) OK I am not delusional today, and I know they are smart and gorgeous and incredibly kind and growing up, so put away the straight jacket for now please.
They even liked the slide show- both their Mom's cried and I have a bruise on my left arm from where X's oldest sister expressed her extreme happiness with me for not telling her about it and springing it on them at the family dinner! We are apparently still cool too- which rocks cause I really didn't want to blow that.

  The work week where I am still deciding who I will keep and who will be flung from the roof:
I haven't blogged much about work and this has nothing to do with a shortage of things I want/need to say about the whole shenanigans that currently are going on in this fucking zoo. It really has more to do with the rather increased online presence of my boss. Fucker's on more than I and that is saying A LOT! What I don't need is him finding this little piece of sanctuary- so I am considering  high jacking X's blog for a day ( Thanks Dani for the suggestion!-Fist bump!) so that I may rant and rave to my little heart's content.
The whole situation is currently sucking the very life out of me, leaving me spent, exhausted and overly bitchy about many things. I know, I know, but this is more bitchy than normal!  It may also lend itself to self medication of the Vodka variety. I will be happy not really when this whole split is complete and we have moved into new space if we ever find any considering we've had 1/2 a year to do it and he's only started looking now.. The atmosphere is stressful, everyone is wired, secretive and it's starting to get mean. So in order to maintain some sort of sanity in this asylum, I am playing a mental edition of Survivor- the work version, where everyday I identify situations as "the challenge" and whomever fails, I imagine them being flung from the roof of the building. See completely healthy and no one gets hurt!
  And on a sad note:
It has been a very hard week for me- you see, on Tuesday while I was getting ready for work, the zipper on my most FAVORITE  and ONLY pair of black dress pants split. I love these pants so much- they are like wearing sweat pants to work they are that fucking comfortable. Those of you that are nodding right now will then understand why I seriously considered stapling the zipper closed so that I could wear them to work that day. At one small moment, while I was searching for the stapler, I realized that if I did that, I would not be able to pee all day. Fuck I hate being rational! So now I must get a new zipper and put it in my pants- do you happen to have a guess at how long it has been since I sewed a zipper in? I'm pretty sure it was back when the dinosaurs were still eating the grass of my parents house. I will also be shopping this weekend for another pair of pants- I hate this - I love to shop when I have the fundage to do so, but I am not a fan of shopping for dress pants..so please hold me in your thoughts this weekend and wish me luck!
The post that almost never ends..
I hope that everyone has a fabulous weekend, for X and I we will be celebrating the Queen's birthday by mowing down dandelions if it ever stops raining and spending 3 glorious days away from work- you know, just enough time to kick back relax and drink a few.
Happy Weekend to all!!
AA

The weekend in our house is usually packed with copious amount of fun things like grocery shopping, laundry, alcohol and cleaning the house. For the most part X is rather handy to have around  there are many things he is good at besides keeping me in my happy place. However, he suffers from a common affliction known 'round this house as 'boy brain'.

This affliction is heightened when there is cleaning to be done.  Please understand that I am not complaining about my husband's help,  the process he uses confuses the ever loving crap out of me. I clean room by room - usually starting at one end of the house-ending at the other, X employs a different tactic. A typical  house clean in our house goes something like so;

* a little disclaimer, I never say anything to him I just observe- i'm not stupid- he's cleaning!


Vacuum first- starts in living room, stops, leaves vacuum plugged in and in the middle of the room.( I hear the vacuum stop and poke my head into the living room..Where is he....looks in kitchen)
Starts dishes, sink full of water, washes some dishes, puts a few on to soak. ( Water has stopped running- oh he must be done- pokes head into kitchen..huh, walks into living room trips over vacuum cord? Where are you?)
In the basement, collecting the recycling hauling it up to the back door to take to the van.. (hears door close, looks around, can't get past the landing because of the recycling, cub is moving the vacuum, kitten is playing in the soap bubbles..where are you??)
Comes inside from shovelling the snow off the deck, heads to the basement..( now what are you doing?)
Grabs the garbage- takes it outside...Comes back in the house, trips over recycling- takes it outside and loads it into the van...( hears crashing of recycling, swearing and the door close...looks outside...where are you? Phone rings)
Just went to take the recycling back- need me to get anything? ( uhumm..handcuffs? Velcro?.....looks around...kitten is chewing on the vacuum cord and Cub wants to 'wash' the dishes)
Returns home, vacuums kitchen and hallway. ( what, wait, why didn't he vacuum the bedrooms..huh? Vacuum is in the hallway and he's....
 On the computer? ( Oh sweet mother of  mary...)
Gets off the computer and returns to the kitchen, washes a few more dishes, loads the dishwasher, checks on the soakers- adds more hot water.. ( Walks into the kitchen- seriously how long does it take to do dishes?? Begins to look around...)
Comes up from the basement with a clean load of laundry to put away- takes them to the bedroom..( Walks down the hallway- stubs toe on vacuum, goes into the bedroom to...what he was right here....)
In the bathroom shaving....( *eye roll*)
Picks up vacuum, does the bedrooms, puts the vacuum away...( aaahhh done...X? X?....)
In the basement cleaning out the cat litter...( ok, not a word here, say nothing and slink away -I hate this job)
Finishes the dishes..( sweet)
Plays a little lego with the Cub.( coolness)
Cracks a bevy... The cleaning is done, time to relax!


This same process occurs virtually every weekend and never ceases to amuse the ever loving piss outta me. I can't help but wonder how his brain works, its a train wreak of bad multi-taskers, but I just roll with it....because, he cleans the litter boxes!