4
In Hiding
Posted by Amethyst Anne
in
personal
I have been in hiding... from many things, but mostly hurt.
It is something rather hard to deal with when one has been wounded. You can be walking along doing your thing, and something so very benign can trigger that punched in the gut feeling and the next thing you know, that demon of hurt enters your soul.
This particular demon and I were introduced a couple of days ago and it infiltrated my whole universe. It tainted more than my soul. It threw into question everything I hold sacred, it rocked my world and not in a good way...
Now that I have lived with this little shit of a demon in my soul for a couple of days, I realise that I need to forgive. This is not something I do well, but I know that unless I do, my life could be completely changed forever and I would concede to the demon.
In so many ways it is easier to keep emotionally punching the person who hurt you, so that your hurt dissipates and anger takes over or worse yet, that creepy calm feeling of emotional retreat. I want to yell, lash out, and cry oh god I want to cry, anything to make this demon in my soul leave.
How does one start the process of forgiveness so that the demon doesn't completely take over?
I suppose the short answer is a minute at a time, followed by an hour, a day- you just have to start....
I'm trying...
I am really trying...
But I am also changed...and am changing....I also need to forgive myself and come out of hiding.
Which is the real reason I started to blog again. This blog is an old friend and whether or not anyone ever reads it doesn't bother me, because its mine and it is helping to keep the demon out of my soul.
It is something rather hard to deal with when one has been wounded. You can be walking along doing your thing, and something so very benign can trigger that punched in the gut feeling and the next thing you know, that demon of hurt enters your soul.
This particular demon and I were introduced a couple of days ago and it infiltrated my whole universe. It tainted more than my soul. It threw into question everything I hold sacred, it rocked my world and not in a good way...
Now that I have lived with this little shit of a demon in my soul for a couple of days, I realise that I need to forgive. This is not something I do well, but I know that unless I do, my life could be completely changed forever and I would concede to the demon.
In so many ways it is easier to keep emotionally punching the person who hurt you, so that your hurt dissipates and anger takes over or worse yet, that creepy calm feeling of emotional retreat. I want to yell, lash out, and cry oh god I want to cry, anything to make this demon in my soul leave.
How does one start the process of forgiveness so that the demon doesn't completely take over?
I suppose the short answer is a minute at a time, followed by an hour, a day- you just have to start....
I'm trying...
I am really trying...
But I am also changed...and am changing....I also need to forgive myself and come out of hiding.
Which is the real reason I started to blog again. This blog is an old friend and whether or not anyone ever reads it doesn't bother me, because its mine and it is helping to keep the demon out of my soul.
