4
"Get away from that you bitch!"
There are not a lot of things that I would say are my favorite things at Christmas, in fact Halloween is much more my thang. But I do really enjoy having a Christmas tree.
When my sister and I were kids, our parents would take us out and we would go Christmas tree hunting. Chainsaw, Axe and hot-chocolate. We would spend the day tromping around some plot of land that the provincial government wanted cleared ( hence gave out free tree tickets in the local paper) in sub arctic conditions looking for the perfect Christmas tree.
My Mom would eye up the biggest mo'fo there was and my Dad would cut it down while us girls stood off some safe sort of distance. Then my Dad would cut the very top of the tree off, we would drag that bad boy out of the bush and tie it down to the ol' station wagon. Mom and Dad would be tieing down the tree( well where is the rope? I thought you packed the rope? Get the bungee cords..) while my sis and I sat in the car sipping our hot chocolate. We would then bring the tree home and attempt to set that puppy up to decorate.
Fucking tree stands. enough said!
We would then gather as a family to decorate the tree...sorry, my Dad would put on the lights and we girls would decorate the tree.....aaaaahhhh good times......
Then we moved to BC, and after a couple of years my Rent's went artifical, they decided that cutting down pine beetle infested trees, or better yet the one with the dead rodent as a tree topper..maybe wasn't the best plan. s'alright...we adjusted...
Then I got married and got to have my own tree!! *gush* Last year X bought me a beautiful 7 foot artificial tree that could pass as the real thing if you over look the metal branches and the lack of pine tree smell... but I love it!!
Last year, X, Cub and I circled that puppy as a family and adorned it with all of our decorations. We listened to Christmas music, drank a bit, sang a bit....made X put more than one decoration on the tree...it was lovely!
So this year, we dig out the Christmas tree...Cub is so excited he can hardly stand it.. we lug up the boxes of decorations, get the lights on, Cub puts a few decorations on and then .....
Did I mention we got a kitten in March? Did I mention that she's Tiny. Did I mention that apparently she thinks my Christmas tree is her own personal gateway to the ceiling???
No.... oh....
For the remainder of the evening we watched as our Tiny little bitch climbed up (squirt with water bottle) and down (bad, bad kitty- cub) Thwak- off goes the one decoration Cub put on.... Thud - there goes the other one.
I thought this would pass- give her a few days to adjust, this is her first Christmas.
The Christmas tree has been up for a week now. The boxes of decorations have been relocated to the basement, and I find myself replacing lightbulbs on a daily basis so at least we have all of the colours - it really is amazing just how sharp kitten teeth can be.
I have spent more time un-bending branches and re-fluffing the tree than I care to count. She has even taken to sleeping in it, bitch curls all up and lays there taunting me.
Cub now understands exactly why we won't be putting decorations on - and he's ok with it. X is fucking tickled pink that he doesn't have to decorate the tree, let alone take that shit down, I mean, he is saddened by our lack of family tradition and rum..
And you you little Tiny bitch... I will have my revenge upon you soon enough.... One day when you least expect it, I will scoop your puny butt up and haul you off to the Vet, where you will be drugged and spayed. Then I will bring you home and you will over eat and get FAT...too fat to climb MY CHRISTMAS TREE!!
bwahhhaaaaaa......
In the meantime, we are calling this year the year of the 'living ornament'...cause that's how we roll.
When my sister and I were kids, our parents would take us out and we would go Christmas tree hunting. Chainsaw, Axe and hot-chocolate. We would spend the day tromping around some plot of land that the provincial government wanted cleared ( hence gave out free tree tickets in the local paper) in sub arctic conditions looking for the perfect Christmas tree.
My Mom would eye up the biggest mo'fo there was and my Dad would cut it down while us girls stood off some safe sort of distance. Then my Dad would cut the very top of the tree off, we would drag that bad boy out of the bush and tie it down to the ol' station wagon. Mom and Dad would be tieing down the tree( well where is the rope? I thought you packed the rope? Get the bungee cords..) while my sis and I sat in the car sipping our hot chocolate. We would then bring the tree home and attempt to set that puppy up to decorate.
Fucking tree stands. enough said!
We would then gather as a family to decorate the tree...sorry, my Dad would put on the lights and we girls would decorate the tree.....aaaaahhhh good times......
Then we moved to BC, and after a couple of years my Rent's went artifical, they decided that cutting down pine beetle infested trees, or better yet the one with the dead rodent as a tree topper..maybe wasn't the best plan. s'alright...we adjusted...
Then I got married and got to have my own tree!! *gush* Last year X bought me a beautiful 7 foot artificial tree that could pass as the real thing if you over look the metal branches and the lack of pine tree smell... but I love it!!
Last year, X, Cub and I circled that puppy as a family and adorned it with all of our decorations. We listened to Christmas music, drank a bit, sang a bit....made X put more than one decoration on the tree...it was lovely!
So this year, we dig out the Christmas tree...Cub is so excited he can hardly stand it.. we lug up the boxes of decorations, get the lights on, Cub puts a few decorations on and then .....
Did I mention we got a kitten in March? Did I mention that she's Tiny. Did I mention that apparently she thinks my Christmas tree is her own personal gateway to the ceiling???
No.... oh....
For the remainder of the evening we watched as our Tiny little bitch climbed up (squirt with water bottle) and down (bad, bad kitty- cub) Thwak- off goes the one decoration Cub put on.... Thud - there goes the other one.
I thought this would pass- give her a few days to adjust, this is her first Christmas.
The Christmas tree has been up for a week now. The boxes of decorations have been relocated to the basement, and I find myself replacing lightbulbs on a daily basis so at least we have all of the colours - it really is amazing just how sharp kitten teeth can be.
I have spent more time un-bending branches and re-fluffing the tree than I care to count. She has even taken to sleeping in it, bitch curls all up and lays there taunting me.
Cub now understands exactly why we won't be putting decorations on - and he's ok with it. X is fucking tickled pink that he doesn't have to decorate the tree, let alone take that shit down, I mean, he is saddened by our lack of family tradition and rum..
And you you little Tiny bitch... I will have my revenge upon you soon enough.... One day when you least expect it, I will scoop your puny butt up and haul you off to the Vet, where you will be drugged and spayed. Then I will bring you home and you will over eat and get FAT...too fat to climb MY CHRISTMAS TREE!!
bwahhhaaaaaa......
In the meantime, we are calling this year the year of the 'living ornament'...cause that's how we roll.
